My “rules” on Vancouver men.Posted: 01/09/2011
I have a theory on men in Vancouver: all the good guys are either taken and/or gay. The rest of them? Well, we all know that Vancouver is infested with douchebags, no matter which municipality you live in. Which is why I live by my own little “rulebook” filled with many life lessons learnt and compiled throughout my 21 years of experience with the male specimen.
1. Don’t date over the bridge. And by bridge, I’m talking about the Patullo Bridge aka the bridge that divides Surrey trash (Langley guys included…they’re odd) from the rest of us. My first ever real boyfriend was from Surrey. It was a great experience. But then again, that was highschool. Fastforward to now: “Penis pump” was from Langley. Need I say more? Cute halfer from lastnight at Fortune: douche chose to make out with a midget Asian chick. No thanks, no more. Done.
2. Don’t date Asians. We all know that I have made a few recent exceptions to this rule as of late… okay, well maybe in the past 1.5 years, but I think I’ve learned my lesson. I give one chance to the 30-year old and he runs away after he hears the “C” word (commitment for those of you who are clueless). And that was after six months. Most recently, I flew halfway across the country last month for an Asian man…which was amazing because I thought I was living in a Nicholas Sparks novel but super silly of me now that I think of it. The damn romantic in me. Must cut down. Getting tired of the disappointing surprises that come in small packages.
3. Must have own car and place. Sorry, but I don’t want to go back to the highschool days and take the Skytrain around to places and be all hush-hush when your mom is home. Over it. Next.
4. Grooming is highly encouraged. I remember back in the day when I had to dress my White ex-boyfriend because he was convinced he was 50 Cent. Yikes. I don’t ever want to have to go back to that area in my life again, thanks. Don’t even get me started on bad breath…
5. Do something useful with your life. I am not at all attracted to men who don’t have future aspirations. I am a pretty competitive and determined individual and I need someone who is just as neurotic as I am. Have goals, seek challenge…I like that. It’s a turn off when you’re still working at a grocery store and you’re God knows how old. Sigh.
However, if you do fulfill all of the above, please apply within!