The downfall of competitiveness.

I’ve always been competitive by nature. Always striving for excellence, to simply be the best. It’s not a negative quality to have, you know.  Why settle for something mediocre and sub-par when you can be on top?  Besides, I was taught that winning is everything.  I love having all the glory — who doesn’t?

But I’ve learned that it can indeed be a bad thing.  Ever since I was a child, I had never been the best at anything. I’d be good at things — art, spelling, sports — but never thebest. This carried on throughout highschool and later throughout my university career. I grew out of my shy shell and became a super keener — i was involved in anything and everything. Pep club, poster club, track and field, wrestling, cheerleading, student union, dance — you name it, I was in it. But the funny thing is, I never became the best.  It was actually kind of annoying, always being good but not good enough. This struggle (or perhaps conflict of my huge ego) even penetrated into my personal life.  Why was I still single?  I was (and still am) perky, athletic, smart, tanned, and I operate my own cupcake business, for god’s sake! And even though I now have a boyfriend, I am still striving (not struggling anymore) to be the best…girlfriend…to the point that I keep constantly compare myself to his other past ex’s and booty calls. What the hell. Come to think about it, I don’t even think half the things I’ve done in my life were for myself. I was always doing it for others, to impress people. Hell, at one point, this blog was used as a form of self-gratification.

See? Being the “best” isn’t always great. It can be, but it can also make a sick, twisted, and manipulative person. Atleast I had the sense to actually realize that.

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