Mothers know best.

Too bad that statement is not a “one size fits all” type of deal.

There are two types of girls: ones that get along with their moms and are practically BFF (think Gilmore Girls) and there are ones that don’t. And even at the age of 22 going on 23, I do not get along with my mother. We have never had mother-daughter dates. I never came to her when I had boyfriend problems. Although I am an open person, I have yet to tell her about stuff that I have really struggled in during my life. And unless I have come to a breaking point, I have never told her about some big parts of my life. And it has really got me wondering that maybe I will never get to tell her any of these things.

Why? Because I can’t stand the blatant disapproval she has in her eyes. And I am not a bad kid. I stress that a lot. I am not a stupid, uneducated, reckless young adult. I make calculated decisions and think about future consequences. The planning side of me. I got that from her. But I just cannot fathom the way she looks down at me as if I am not her daughter. And this is all because of the brainwashing, problematic undoing of the big guy up in the sky: Roman fucking Catholicism.

Now, I’ve bitched about this on my blog a number of times but seriously, this organized crap has seriously brainwashed my mom and because that, it is driving her apart from her children. Everyone has their own way of coping with the hard times in life but seriously, I don’t think I can digest or attempt to digest yet another minute of her chastising my “Satanic ways” all because I sleepover at my boyfriend’s place. I’ve expressed countless of times why it upsets/frustrates and most importantly, offends me but to no avail. I’ve explained and backed up my points and have listened for hours (yes, hours) on why I should “cleanse my soul”. I am polite enough to even acknowledge her view. I am even more polite to share my experiences with her yet risking the fact that she will scold me afters because I want atleast attempt to preserve the deteriorating relationship that we currently have to this present day.

But I have concluded that not only is this a religious/spiritual problem — this is also a very cultural, patriarchal and generational problem as well that I am sure other parents from third world countries (and of course their children) are deeply affected by. The Philippines is very rooted in a patriarchal system, as well as any other Asian civilization — heck, all societies were atleast originated in patriarchal form. She is very much so a traditionalist so much so that gay marriage is immoral, common law couples or even the idea of it is strictly forbidden, men should be the primary breadwinner of the household, and that the whole point of marriage is to have children. WTF? I, on the other hand, am most definitely on the liberal side of things and find those three examples disturbing and offensive. But times are changing. We are in Canada. Liberation, equality and democracy are slowly happening all around the world. I just wish this close-mindedness way of thinking will be diminshed, atleast for my mom.

Now I’m beginning to rant.

But honestly, at times when I was younger I so wished that I could share those idealistic experiences with my mom. Telling her all my secrets, going out for lunch, her watching my athletic competitions. But that is not being realistic. Everyone has their own unique experiences. And I’m still not giving up on repairing this fragile familial bond. I am, however, most definitely turning my back on Christianity. It’s not forever, but who knows. I can’t picture myself converting, “rediscovering myself”, or even being remotely interested in the subject atleast for the next few hours. Why? Because the thought of it so revolting. And that it’s completely ruined the relationship between me and my mom to the point where I can’t get a word in and she refusees to hear or acknowledge any reason as to why I may oppose it. It makes me sick.

I just wish that there was a way for her to atleast view my accomplishments and open her eyes and just see how happy I am. I wish my mom did know best, atleast for me. She thinks she does, but she has no idea. She has no idea who I am. To be honest, she knows as much as you, the reader does.

And it saddens me.


4 Comments on “Mothers know best.”

  1. naomi says:

    my mom is totally like that at times! and she is so restricting and strict. she thinks everything is bad for me and pretty much has made my life so boring and irritating. I get that she sacrifices so much for me but she doesn’t seem to get me at times. she doesn’t want me to be like other teenagers who have fun. drink. It irritates me to no end and makes me so sad. My relationship with my mom is going down the drain. 😦

    • Girl, I totally feel you! It’s just disappointing and silly to me because it honestly feels as if I am teenager again. But I’m not. I understand she’s going through a hard time right now (divorce) but still. It just baffles me that she fails to see that not my actions are driving us apart, but her irrational ways that are highly influenced by religion, is the main reason why her kids are pushing her away. It’s suffocating and exhausting. Wish there was a way to make her understand or somehow compromise.

  2. Sharra says:

    The first line got me. The disapproval. I can’t share a thing with my dad and it /bothers/ me. I mean, he’s even going backwards in his old age, where my boyfriend isn’t allowed anymore, and I have looooong relationships. I’m not bringing someone new by every week, month or even year. He has no interest in knowing me. And like you said, it makes me feel like I’m 14. Except my boyfriend was allowed over when I was 18, but not when I’m 22? Fuck you dad.

    The thing that bothers me the most? I told him that if mine’s not allowed here then when I move out he’s not allowed at my house. And he’s /okay/ with that.

    • Doesn’t the disapproval just totally crush you? And despite this, I want to keep on trying, to try to build on the near-failing relationship. They’re just so hardened in their own ways that I honestly think they are not going to change. I guess we’ll just have to work around that.

      Sorry to hear that about your dad. Can’t believe he’s okay with that. Damn patriarchal traditionalists.

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