I wish Flickr would upload faster so I can finally give you guys a real post, dammit. 80 more pictures to go…
Convocation is quickly approaching, two days to be exact. Graduation seemed to have slipped my mind over the past few months. I hardly gave the occasion a thought since, well, my last semester ended all the way back in December and I have been working full-time since February. It seemed as if the thrill of graduation had faded — but boy, I was wrong.
I am actually really excited to graduate. It is, afterall, a milestone, atleast in my lifetime. And even though I have been out of school for a semester, this past month has been excruciatingly difficult for me. It’s that neverending battle again — me vs. the real world. Although I am working full-time at the moment, many of you would know that it is not what I want to do. I work in a hotel for god’s sake, hostessing at a restaurant. Is that what I want to do for the rest of my life? No, of course not. And sure, maybe some people may want to do that, but not me. I feel like I was destined for bigger and better things. This job is just a job to me, to help pay the bills and to fund and support my current lifestyle. I mean, I didn’t go to school to get an education for nothing.
All of this internal tension has gotten me back to square one: what do I want to do with my life? I don’t want the past 4.5 years to go to down the drain. And honestly, my biggest fear is to live my life wasting the privilege I have had and letting my talents and potential go to waste. I sometimes wish that I had more guidance during my undergrad, talked to more people in my industry, and at the worst of times, wish I had studied something else. But that thought itself is such a waste.
After talking with many people in various industries over the past “semester”, I’ve gathered peoples’ opinions on what I should do because really, I was so clueless! I thought it would help give me a push. But no, it didn’t. What it did do was to enable me to see the bigger picture: embrace change. Acknowledge the fact that times have changed and what you do now may not be what you’re going to be doing in the next 5, 10, 20 years. Also, if you want something, go for it. Try it out. Give yourself a deadline. How long can you picture yourself doing this for? Why are you doing this? Is it sustainable? And finally, be a doer. The more you think about things and be indecisive, the more time you are wasting in actually giving it a shot.
Besides my criminological knowledge, this blog post outlines what I have taken away from university. It indicates areas in which I should have asked for help and times where I should have listened to others. All I am saying is that there will be some big changes within the next 1.5 years for me. New opportunities, career, and sacrifice. It’s looking pretty bittersweet. But who knows what the future holds? Dear Real World, bring it.
That girl. You know, that girl who disappears once she gets a boyfriend? The one who pretty much falls off the face of the planet and you wonder if she is alive? The one who is in permanent MIA status (or who hasn’t updated their Facebook status in x number of days)?!? This is a seriously valid question.
A girlfriend texted me earlier today and told me that I have become one of “those girls”. Seriously!? It’s probably not a big deal and I am sure she was 99% joking (although there’s probably some truth in the said statement), but this is not the person I want to be. Who remembers my earlier blog entries, with posts that were centralized on this very topic and the fact that I completely loathe them!??! Not because I was jealous, but because what I was witnessing was a sad, sad thing, especially when it happened to close friends of mine — which is why I am semi-freaking out on this. I am not one of those girls, dammit. If I were to be, then I would seriously consider myself as a hypocrite.
I see where she is coming from but I don’t think my friends have taken a hit; if anything, it’d have to be this blog. And it’s not because I am so busy in a relationship — it’s because I am suffering from a lack of inspiration to actually write OR the current occurrences in my life are to remain private, not for public consumption. It’s a little bit of both. But despite having a boyfriend who is increasingly taking away more
time days out of my week, I firmly believe that I am still upholding my duty as a friend to, well, my friends and privileged acquaintances. I am still maintaining a healthy diet, work out, business, and social life and I have got to say that I have almost perfected my work-life balance. Although my time during the week is limited (for god’s sake, I work at 6am Monday to Friday and weekends are pretty much booked until July), I still make the time to spend it with my friends, despite how crazy/hectic it is trying to coordinate a date that actually works… Chicks (and gay men) before dicks, right?
So, to answer my own question, I do not think I have become one of “them”. Thoughts?
Even with 24 hours in a day, I still can’t manage to find the time to blog nowadays! Apologies. There has really been a lot going on. May just flew by, it seems. Some recent highlights?
My aunt got married! Yahoo. Such a great wedding. It was 1940s-themed and I was surprised and so, so glad that so many people participated in the theme. Red lips? Check. Pearls? Check. Fascinator? Check. Even the venue was kick-ass. It was held at The Metro in New Westminster which also secondly runs as a swinger club… cool? Overall, it was awesome. Despite being designated as the wedding planner for the day (and also providing some hundred fabulous gluten-free cupcakes), I still managed to enjoy myself…as in take advantage of the open bar. Yes! Still waiting on the pro pics…
Introducing my boyfriend to the family (finally!!!). So, I guess we are pretty serious now, huh. This actually happened the day before the wedding. More casual environment, I suppose, so I thought less pressure for him. Smart? Yes. Anyways, this seemed to go over very well. I think? Off to good start in my eyes…crossing fingers. A picture, you ask? Well, I’m trying to keep this relationship as private as I can but one picture doesn’t hurt, right? Plus, I really do love showing him off. And this picture is hilarious. Pretty much paparazzi-style as soon as we walked inside. Oh, and try to guess his age. I dare you. Get it right and maybe I’ll bake something delicious for you.
Montreal. Well, the cat’s out of the bag and yes, I will be flying off to Montreal next week to spend a mere five days in some actual decent summer weather. This will also be our first trip together. Whatever happened to weekend trips? Nope, we’re fast-forwarding. Seriously looking forward to this mini vacay. In dire need of a vacation and I am also really looking forward to taking him around since he’s never been there and also to visit some family and friends. 10 more days!
Job hunt or career change? Yes, I’ve begun the mundane job search again. I always have good intentions and positive energy whenever I think about job hunting for something in my field yet when I actually start searching I just end up in a miserable mood. Just started looking again about 4 hours ago and I’ve become incredibly frustrated. Still, nothing. Atleast in BC. So disappointing and discouraging. Going to see if I can get referred to the New West Police Department. Apparently there’s an opening. Might as well try and put my degree to good use (10 more days til I convocate!!!). But if all else fails, I will be enrolling for courses again….this time in the realm of real estate. And I will be giving myself a deadline for this. Honestly, I was going to enroll on July 1st but maybe I should give myself some time. I know the restaurant I work in will/should be undergoing renovations in the fall, namely October, which will be when I’ll be in Asia so ideally a good time to study and prepare for the licensing examination. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could just take the “easy” route and just take a 9-5 job and have an actual position. Work for a big company. Make a fixed salary. Wouldn’t life be much simpler that way? Nope, always a non-stop hustle for me.
Other stressors. Honestly, the last month I received a few announcements and had a couple of very serious discussions with someone who is of utmost importance to me. But lately, it feels as if every week there is a bomb going off. Surprise after surprise. Some good, some bad. Normally, the information that was shared would scare people, especially in a relationship setting. But I wasn’t scared. There wasn’t a real fear….until the bomb that went off this past weekend. I am in a very unique relationship. I am serious. I guarantee you that no one, no one (atleast that I know of) has to deal with what I am dealing with right now. This information is strictly confidential and I feel I can’t even confide in anyone about it. It’s very private — even for me. But there are different ways to look at it — do I have a challenge on my hands or are these very blatant warning signs to GTFO? I honestly don’t even know. I’m trying to keep myself grounded which isn’t too difficult and not fall head over heels and I honestly think I am doing a great job thus far. But who knows…am I just demonstrating willful blindness and oozing naivete? Perhaps the resolution to these situations I’ve been faced with will just come with time, age, and maturity. And sometimes playing with spontaneity isn’t always a good thing? Believe me, I try extremely hard to protect myself when it comes to emotions and feelings. Again, I make calculated decisions and try to map out potential consequences that may occur in the future. Serial planner here. But who knows… guess I’ll just need to play my cards right. And not be a stupid little girl.
I’m at the stage where I need to make decisions for myself. What to do…