For those have known me for x number of years, you will know that I am attracted to the older man. The teacher, the business man, the one that’s 20 years my senior — it’s like I was born with this inherent borderline reversed perverted attraction. It’s never been a problem, or atleast I thought it would never be one. I mean, older men possess everything that I want to have or look towards in a potential boyfriend/husband: financial security, a house(s), a vehicle to get them to A to B, and hopefully, they’d already have their shit together. Um, yum? Yes please.
But it’s not always an attractive factor. It can also be unappealing at times, almost a turn off. I hate to be quoting an older guy that I was seeing who was only four years older than me that I incredibly hated for playing me but I understand now what he meant when he said we were at “different life stages”. I get it now, I totally do. Because although age may not matter, some things are undeniable and when there is a remarkable age difference at hand. One person may want one thing and the other may definitely feel obliged, or almost pressured to succumb to it. Perhaps I’m speaking for just myself, but it is a little bit of a scary thing. I am a generous person and I want to do everything and more for the person I love but am I willing to sacrifice my youth to commit on such a serious level? I may not be looking for anybody in particular at this very moment but what happens if I change my mind (which I so frequently do on a regular basis)? It’s just not fair. Not fair for me but most definitely not fair for the other person involved. I’m torn.
When did something so simple like my high school fantasies become such a complicating (which really should not be complicating) issue? I really shouldn’t be feeling this unnecessary pressure. Have I gone in too deep?
Agree or disagree?
As you may know, I love older men. But sometimes, my choice in men seems to…hm, upset some people. Not only are they douchebags, not only are they immature, but they’re also apparently too old for me. How old is too old?! My limit, generally speaking, is 35. It’s always been like that, ever since highschool where I severely, and not to mention notoriously, crushed on my socials teacher (I was 14, he was 28). But now as I am getting older, it seems like the lines are getting a little blurry as well. Gym guy’s 41 and I freaked the fuck out when I found out last year. Yes, I admit that I freaked out cus he is like, 19 years older than me but the more creepy part was that he was 19 years older than me and still working at Safeway. Dealbreaker. But anyhow, I kind of met someone who’s a tad bit younger than gym guy but for some reason, I’m not really turned off. Maybe it’s because this guy actually has aspirations, an occupation, a career. 15 year age gap. It doesn’t seem too bad, does it? I’ve seen guys with the 10 year age gap thing going on and yes, it was obvious we were at two different life stages. I even had that chat with someone who was 7 years older. Honestly. The only thing we had in common was, well, you know. I’m sure the same thing applies in my current situation.
If anything, this should be good/last long enough to provide entertainment to my oh so glam post-grad life. Yay. I mean, it’s pretty naive to think that he’s actually interested in me, right?