As an optimist, I frequently seek the good in people. If you know or have met me, I am extremely upbeat, outgoing, and for lack of a better descriptive, happy-go-lucky. I like this portrayal of me; it’s what I’m known for. This is who I appear and although it might not be accurate of who I am internally, I like keeping up a good front. And hey, I’m pretty good at it.
This summer I decided to take this course on ethics which is a mandatory prerequisite for the practicum program in SFU’s Criminology department. Besides learning about common sensical concepts such as caring, empathy, motivation, empowerment and so on, I actually really enjoyed this class. As I am always on the go, I have been working on taking time out of my day to reflect and just halt thinking about a million things. Along with blogging, it has been really therapeutic as, well, there’s just been a lot going on. As lame as this sounds, it helped me a realize a lot about myself and has inspired me to change.
Change. That can be either a good or a bad thing. Some people embrace change and are able to adapt; to others, it may poise to be a real challenge. I understand that everyone has their own experiences in life that contributes to their own unique makeup which makes it a pleasure when meeting new people. I like to learn from people. Life is constantly an ongoing learning process. I think it’s great to mix and mingle with people you don’t normally hang out with or even trying new things. I advocate for that shit. But something that I hate is when people misinterpret my bubbliness for stupidity or naivitee. I’m not dumb. Sure, I sometimes make some crazy, irrational choices that challenge the status quo but don’t mistake this for foolishness.
Also, vulnerability. I hate feeling vulnerable. If I open up to you (which only happens to a handful of my close friends), consider it a fucking privilege. Things can get pretty tricky when emotions are involved so don’t fucking toy with me.
WOW. The tone of this entry just changed in an instant. FML. Fuck incompetent people who piss me off. Fuck me and my inability to transcend how I feel in a blog entry. Fuck this damn final tomorrow morning. Fuck guys because they’re all full of shit. Fuck this weight I’ve been gaining. Fuck this city. FUCK!
I am not PMSing, I swear. I’m really just struggling with separating and clarifying my thoughts lately.