What’s it like to be “normal”?

I wonder this all the time. What is it like to be “normal”? Normal, as in, having a full-time job with predictable hours, benefits, and ending at 5pm, on average. What is it like to not hustle as hard as I do, juggling 3 jobs at a time to just make ends meet? What is it like to really just work for someone else…and be totally, 100% happy about it? Serious questions here.

I work at a hotel, at another restaurant, and run my own business, managing everything from social media, to finances, to maintaining strategic partnerships and my one employee. I hustle, and I hustle hard. Not saying that other people don’t work as hard as I do, but honestly, it sometimes feels that way.

I compare myself frequently to my peers who are much more advanced than me. Typically those who were in Business and just graduated and got a job right away out of school. I wish I had studied harder in school. And/or I almost wish I had gotten a degree that would land me a job right away.

In university, you feel like you are really special (or atleast I did), that I was important because I was doing so much. I was busy and it made me feel like I was worth something. That my work meant something to people and that it was vital in a sense that they needed me to function. I hid behind business. Now, I mean, I am equally busy. It’s just work, work, work and trying to stay and shape and trying to maintain and healthy relationship while keeping up with my friends. Is this life? Is this it for us? Sometimes I don’t feel satisfied.

What is “normal” nowadays?


Nobody said it was easy.

Found myself in a stump again. How do I get out of these holes?! I seem to get on a roll, see some progress in some aspects of my life yet it’s at the expense of others. For example, family life was in a knot a couple months ago. Everything went downhill — my business took a three week hiatus, had no time/no motivation to go to the gym, and found unhappiness in my job. Although most things alleviated itself, I am once again stuck in a rut. Lack of motivation, procrastination, and laziness are starting to eat me alive. What is lacking here? Is it overall interest? Challenge? Commitment? All of  the above? Tired of being like this. What ever happened to the person I was during my undergrad, during the best days of my life? I was the best person I could be, in the best possible shape, with “the skies the limit” attitude. Now? I feel stuck. I feel stuck in the same place. Is this what life is really all about? Work, go home, cook, sleep, and repeat?

What ever happened to all those seminars I went to outside of class time in all the clubs, internships, etc. I was involved in? Did I ever take anything away from those? “Follow your passion”, “Do what you love”, “Don’t waste time in a job that you don’t love”, “Find a career, not a job”. Well, how exactly do that? How do we get paid by “doing something we love”? What happens if you haven’t realized what your passion is? Is there supposed to be a time when the light just flicks on and you’ll just know what you’re destined to do? How long do I have to suffer in this state of “trying to figure things out”?

I’m always thinking about the future. But what am I doing about the present? What actions am I taking to ensure (or atleast take steps to ensure) that my future will look bright? I’m so sick and tired of having the “what are you doing now”  or “what do you do” conversation. Sick of it. You know what I’m doing? I’m busting my ass job hunting every single week only to find out that I am “not qualified” for any possible decent paying job while drowning in a course that I never even wanted to take in the first place. What I’ve learned from university is that I am extremely good at taking orders from other people and I am horrible at making decisions for myself. I’m scared of taking that risk. God, whatever fucking happened to me?

It just seems like I’m running in a huge circle right now. Or maybe just running…as in how this post is almost a giant run-on sentence.

Or maybe I desperately need my vacation now.

Sigh.


Let the job hunt begin.

I am literally counting down the days of my undergraduate career — 4 more days! Seriously. Now what? As I don’t want to be a slave lifer in the restaurant industry, I began my job hunt today. What’s out there? Are there even any jobs available?  The academic advisors in my department are terrible and the jobs that I am interested in require x amount of years of experience. Um, where are we supposed to get this experience from if no one will hire us?! Another topic on its own… And I am pretty happy with my super-padded resume and my networking skills. But will this land me a job on its own? Hardly. Ha, and with an Arts degree and aspirations in fields I have no academic training in at all in addition to the scarce and depleting job market in today’s day and age, let’s just say it’s going to be a fun ride.