Someone pull me out when I start to get too deep, okay? Feels like I’m starting to lose a bit of reality, a bit of myself.
Time for a vacation.
I’m a romantic. I live each day with my heart on my sleeve and see through rose-coloured glasses on a daily basis. What can I say? I live for romance. And perhaps it is early in the relationship but I asked for more romance. Gone are the days of trying different restaurants and exploring. Gone is the excitement. I hate to say it but, I’m a little bored. Now, I make him dinner, we walk the dog, and sleep. We’re very comfortable with eachother. It’s now become a routine. Is the honeymoon season over already?
I know he’s busy. We both work a lot running our own businesses, in addition to my full-time job, working out, and maintaining a decent social life. But I miss the romance. Don’t get me wrong — I very much love him, but I just spendingquality time with him. Seems like we’re just spending time together. It’s not a big deal — just a minor bump in the road.
But is this irrational of me? Am I asking for too much?
For those have known me for x number of years, you will know that I am attracted to the older man. The teacher, the business man, the one that’s 20 years my senior — it’s like I was born with this inherent borderline reversed perverted attraction. It’s never been a problem, or atleast I thought it would never be one. I mean, older men possess everything that I want to have or look towards in a potential boyfriend/husband: financial security, a house(s), a vehicle to get them to A to B, and hopefully, they’d already have their shit together. Um, yum? Yes please.
But it’s not always an attractive factor. It can also be unappealing at times, almost a turn off. I hate to be quoting an older guy that I was seeing who was only four years older than me that I incredibly hated for playing me but I understand now what he meant when he said we were at “different life stages”. I get it now, I totally do. Because although age may not matter, some things are undeniable and when there is a remarkable age difference at hand. One person may want one thing and the other may definitely feel obliged, or almost pressured to succumb to it. Perhaps I’m speaking for just myself, but it is a little bit of a scary thing. I am a generous person and I want to do everything and more for the person I love but am I willing to sacrifice my youth to commit on such a serious level? I may not be looking for anybody in particular at this very moment but what happens if I change my mind (which I so frequently do on a regular basis)? It’s just not fair. Not fair for me but most definitely not fair for the other person involved. I’m torn.
When did something so simple like my high school fantasies become such a complicating (which really should not be complicating) issue? I really shouldn’t be feeling this unnecessary pressure. Have I gone in too deep?
Besides October (my birthday and Halloween), May is definitely by far my most favourite month of the year. The flowers are in full bloom, the sun is starting to shine on a more regular basis, and thirdly, it’s spot prawn season. But other than that, there always seems to be lots of things going on in May that it gives off the feel good summertime vibe. Last year, I only had Vegas but this year, every weekend is booked. I can hardly believe that it’s already the middle of May!
To start the month off, I went to my very first Indian wedding! When I was in Seattle this past March, I ran into my ex who was there for the bachelor party, and ended up with an invite to my ex’s friend’s wedding (whom I am also friends with; I wasn’t a complete random there). It was pretty fun, although I don’t believe it was an accurate representation of other Indian weddings. We were just there for the reception but all in all, it was a lot of fun! Free food, free booze — can’t really go wrong with that.
Other than that, it’s been a while since I saw a musical so when I was offered a crazy deal for tickets to see Rock of Ages, I jumped at the opportunity. I honestly didn’t really know what this musical was about except for the fact that it was a hit on Broadway and it featured music from the late 1980s. What a surprise. It was a great performance. Taking place at the Centre for Performing Arts, I was a bit skeptical because I am aware of how small the theatre is (I’ve also seen Chicago and Avenue Q there but they made it work). It wasn’t an issue and honestly, I was very impressed with almost everything. I wasn’t exactly impressed with the vocals of Drew whom I think was being played by his understudy at the matinee show I saw yesterday as it didn’t seem to be strong enough/keep up with the rest of his colleagues. And I think “The Final Countdown” should have been the closing song for Act I and the opening should have been “Any Way you Want it/I Wanna Rock”. Oh well. It was still a stellar performance and I honestly think my boyfriend enjoyed it more than I did, ironically. Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” was the perfect song to close the show. Rock on!
Following the show, I went to Vancouver International Tequila Expo at the Vancouver Convention Centre. My god, I have never seen so many tomato-faced white people in my entire life. Is this what the Vancouver Playhouse Wine Festival is like? Dear lord. So many trainwrecks in there. Besides that, I got to try some premium tequila and discover a new appreciation for the drink (I’m still not a fan – still, for the most part, tastes like shit to me). Again, I think my boyfriend benefitted a whole lot more than I did at this event. Afterall, I did buy the tickets for him since he’s a huge tequila lover and collector. I am such a good girlfriend.
Lastly, this has been such a magical month thus far. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and going back and forth on some things and have done a ton of waiting around, but I am happy to say that I am most definitely in love. And I love the feeling. And I love how it makes me feel. I love how he makes me feel. I love my boyfriend. I love love.
May is a wonderful month. Nice things happen.
When is the right time? Timing, to me, is everything. And as a romantic, I am definitely waiting for the right moment.
There are so many factors to consider or in my opinion, normalized “rules” in the love game: length of the relationship, different stages of love, and who should say it first. I really think a lot of this is bullshit and totally fabricated. Love shouldn’t be defined by these so-called boundaries, they should be guided by private, inherent feelings that are shared between two people.
I’ve expressed my concern, or more like gathering opinion from others, and it really is interesting to hear others’ perspective. I mean, afterall, their words don’t really matter to me. But really, it is all very curious. From the people I’ve talked to, ~four months seems to be the most average time to say it…although I think this varies between relationships. Second of all, there are different stages in love which are intertwined with age and maturity of the persons involved. I kind of agree with this. As I’ve said before, I was at a different stage when I was with my high school ex-boyfriend and my current more “senior” boyfriend is certainly at an age where he’s probably thinking of marriage so there are considerably different stages when it comes to love. I agree with this. But does it really matter who says it first? Last time I checked, love wasn’t or isn’t a race. (But for the record, he said it first and I withheld for good reason — everything needs to be just perfect).
I love you. They are three words that holds an enormous amount of meaning to it and it is a phrase that I do not throw around lightly. I love you. It’s coming, I can sense it. This month. I think so. Pretty sure. Yep.
My emotions are like an on and off switch. Yesterday was an off day. Today is an off day. Future days will be off days because words provide no backing and don’t mean anything to me. It’s cliche, but actions speak louder than words. Mean what you say? Then prove it.
PS. It’s difficult blogging from an iPhone. It’s like writing a very long text message. Not recommended.
Trying to reacquaint myself with my favourite four letter word — love — and I’m embracing and welcoming it with open arms. I’m glad that someone has the power and ability to not just make me feel a certain way, but has enabled me to actually see it…and hopefully, experience it once again.
I’ve only been in love once. And at that time, I was at a very difference stage in my life. I was still lodged inbetween an awkward transition — similar to my current state and how I am now — but it was different back then. I was in highschool and I was dating this guy whom I really fancied. We were very fond of eachother. Met eachother through a mutual friend and although there were a couple of girls after him, I was able to snag him in the end. After seeing eachother for a couple of months, we were finally “official” and I was soon falling head over heels. On our four month anniversary (remember when we used to keep count and celebrate monthly anniversaries?!), we finally said “I love you” to eachother. It was one of the best feelings ever, to have someone confess their love to you…and for you to feel exactly the same. Oh, how long ago that seemed!
But as our relationship grew, it had its ups and downs…moreso, on the downs as we obviously aren’t together anymore. We didn’t end on a particularly good note and I was heartbroken, desperate, and lonely for a good year and a half. My first love. Who was this guy and how come he was able to make me feel so strongly, in both a loving matter and, in the end, resentment?
That was four years ago. Ironically, four years and two weeks today would have been our sixth anniversary. But I’m glad those days are over. Everything happens for a reason and we definitely were not meant to be together. I was a completely different and naive person back then compared to the person I have become today. Nowadays, I am well-protected — my heart isn’t given away so easily anymore. I’m smarter, prettier, and talented. And I cook and bake better than your mama.
Sure, I’ve dated a fair share of questionable men, but I’m glad I held it out and waited for that special someone. And I’ve never been happier. I am sure not to screw this one up — if anything, it’ll be him. Let’s hope that won’t happen.