No longer in denial.

This past year has been different from the rest. I’ve mellowed out, calmed down on the partying, and have cut down on the drinking. Maybe I’m getting older or wiser, I thought to myself. Nope, that’s not it. Maturing? Coming of age? Not it either. Boring? Hell naw. My god, what could it possibly be?! Oh, right. I’m in a relationship now. I’ve heard some people murmur and talk over this “status” before it but it really materialized when my boyfriend said it so blatantly in my face.

But it’s not so bad, is it? I mean, there was a time in my life where all I wanted to do was party, all I wanted to do was get drunk and make out with boys and bear no responsibility. But I have new priorities now — loving and caring for somebody, the woes of the transition stage of moving out, and planning our future together. Now it’s all about saving up money for a home and a car (and a bike?), budgeting, meal planning, and thinking about my future [in terms of career and how and if I will be able to support myself].

So in the end, it is all a mixture of those aforementioned things: coming of age, becoming boring (I still think this is crazy), and being involved in a committed relationship. And really, I don’t think the “old/single” me would disapprove. I think the “old” me would be proud of who I’ve become.

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The ex factor.

Remember this post? Well, I thought it was basically a dead end — until today. I actually received a text message from my ex-boyfriend in the wee early morning and honestly, it caught me off-guard because I never expected to receive a response from him. We ended particularly on a sour note due to my stupid 18-year old decisions and his general untrustworthiness. That was nearly four years ago. I was sick of burning bridges so I thought I would contact him again and finally received a response today.

To me, it sounded cold because initially, I just wanted to grab a coffee with him and just catch up. He stated that he, too, wanted to catch up as well but couldn’t meet me in person because his girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate it. Me playing the devil’s advocate just thought this was silly. Dude, we broke up FOUR years ago! Why should it matter? Of course, I keep pressing the subject on and just realized how foolish I was being. It wasn’t until he told me how much he was crazy about her and how he didn’t want to mess things up that I realized that he was actually really happy. At that moment,  I didn’t know how to feel. Being single for the majority of these past four years (and the numerous and “questionable” men I have met as of late), perhaps I was a little jealous. But that wasn’t it. I was geniunely happy for him. We are now on speaking terms and it’s just so interesting to hear about what is going on with his life and whatnot. How the times have changed — how much we have changed. I can’t help but feel happy for him. That he’s got his life together, that he’s got this amazing girlfriend now… Initially, I wanted to catch up with him in person to show him how hot I’ve become (yeah, sure) and all the awesome things I’ve been doing with my life. Show him what he’s been missing out on. Basically, I wanted to one-up him one every aspect of his life. But you know what?  I am way past that. Is this what maturing feels like?

This is one of my favourite songs by Gwen Stefani. I remember listening to it and thinking, “God, I wish I could achieve this status with my ex”, and even though, we will never be friends, I’m glad to say that “we’re coo-cool”.