Still confused…?

I know I want a relationship but perhaps it’s the person who’s throwing me off…? It’s too easy to get caught up and excited when someone new comes around that I sometimes forget to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. The naivete in me. Maybe I still don’t know what/who I’m looking for. Afterall, I’ve had the worst luck with men. Sometimes I tend to get blinded by materialism, status, and power and end up being treated like shit. What about my current muse, you ask? All I know is that this person is filling a void for me right now. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being a little bit selfish at times. Besides, I’m always cursing myself for being too nice, too generous to people. Maybe I’m wanting the relationship more than the actual person. How fucked is that?