This past year has been different from the rest. I’ve mellowed out, calmed down on the partying, and have cut down on the drinking. Maybe I’m getting older or wiser, I thought to myself. Nope, that’s not it. Maturing? Coming of age? Not it either. Boring? Hell naw. My god, what could it possibly be?! Oh, right. I’m in a relationship now. I’ve heard some people murmur and talk over this “status” before it but it really materialized when my boyfriend said it so blatantly in my face.
But it’s not so bad, is it? I mean, there was a time in my life where all I wanted to do was party, all I wanted to do was get drunk and make out with boys and bear no responsibility. But I have new priorities now — loving and caring for somebody, the woes of the transition stage of moving out, and planning our future together. Now it’s all about saving up money for a home and a car (and a bike?), budgeting, meal planning, and thinking about my future [in terms of career and how and if I will be able to support myself].
So in the end, it is all a mixture of those aforementioned things: coming of age, becoming boring (I still think this is crazy), and being involved in a committed relationship. And really, I don’t think the “old/single” me would disapprove. I think the “old” me would be proud of who I’ve become.
Where has the zest in life gone?
It’s time for a long, overdue change. Certain aspects of my life will have to go — on hiatus or permanently. Who knows. All I know is that my life needs a major clean up.
I am afraid that I may need to see a doctor.
Someone pull me out when I start to get too deep, okay? Feels like I’m starting to lose a bit of reality, a bit of myself.
Time for a vacation.
So I’ve blogged and blogged and blogged about this little thing called transition. Although I’ve practically lamented on my future and what to make of my Arts degree, I have taken the next step and as of last week, I am officially enrolled at UBC Sauder School of Business in their Real Estate division. Hooray! My textbook should be arriving any day now and once they do, goodbye life for the next 6 months (goal is to finish it by the end of this year)!
Besides the academic aspect of things, I’m also at the point where my current relationship is flourishing and on a constant positive upstream flow. My boyfriend asked me to move in last week. Groundbreaking, earth-shattering. Yet expected. And, I mean, I am practically in Richmond for half of the week, if not more. I don’t think it would make much of a big difference. And for those who know my home situation, in a nutshell, it is not going very well. Guilty of escapism in other situations, I really am curious to try this out but I don’t want to be running away from my problems at home. But I am ready to learn more about him and more importantly, myself and what my tolerances, habits, and breaking points are in a relationship context — or if there is indeed a distinct difference whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Of course, it may seem as if things are going astronomically fast for us considering the short amount of time we’ve been together. Met, clicked, traveled, and possibly moving in within an 8 month period? It’s like the fast forward button. But moving with a capital M seems like the next logical thing to do. And the argument would be, “What’s the rush?” and my answer to that would be, “Why not?”. Again, he’s a different life stage and is probably ready to settle down in the next few years. Me? Well, I’m still exploring, constantly learning about myself, and have an expiry date on all my goals in the next two to three years.
This is a new avenue I am excited and willing to explore. And if it doesn’t work out, or the relationship doesn’t work out, it’s probably best that I know these things now before things get in too deep. If anything, I could always move back home…right?
I’m a romantic. I live each day with my heart on my sleeve and see through rose-coloured glasses on a daily basis. What can I say? I live for romance. And perhaps it is early in the relationship but I asked for more romance. Gone are the days of trying different restaurants and exploring. Gone is the excitement. I hate to say it but, I’m a little bored. Now, I make him dinner, we walk the dog, and sleep. We’re very comfortable with eachother. It’s now become a routine. Is the honeymoon season over already?
I know he’s busy. We both work a lot running our own businesses, in addition to my full-time job, working out, and maintaining a decent social life. But I miss the romance. Don’t get me wrong — I very much love him, but I just spendingquality time with him. Seems like we’re just spending time together. It’s not a big deal — just a minor bump in the road.
But is this irrational of me? Am I asking for too much?
My emotions are like an on and off switch. Yesterday was an off day. Today is an off day. Future days will be off days because words provide no backing and don’t mean anything to me. It’s cliche, but actions speak louder than words. Mean what you say? Then prove it.
PS. It’s difficult blogging from an iPhone. It’s like writing a very long text message. Not recommended.
Trying to reacquaint myself with my favourite four letter word — love — and I’m embracing and welcoming it with open arms. I’m glad that someone has the power and ability to not just make me feel a certain way, but has enabled me to actually see it…and hopefully, experience it once again.
I’ve only been in love once. And at that time, I was at a very difference stage in my life. I was still lodged inbetween an awkward transition — similar to my current state and how I am now — but it was different back then. I was in highschool and I was dating this guy whom I really fancied. We were very fond of eachother. Met eachother through a mutual friend and although there were a couple of girls after him, I was able to snag him in the end. After seeing eachother for a couple of months, we were finally “official” and I was soon falling head over heels. On our four month anniversary (remember when we used to keep count and celebrate monthly anniversaries?!), we finally said “I love you” to eachother. It was one of the best feelings ever, to have someone confess their love to you…and for you to feel exactly the same. Oh, how long ago that seemed!
But as our relationship grew, it had its ups and downs…moreso, on the downs as we obviously aren’t together anymore. We didn’t end on a particularly good note and I was heartbroken, desperate, and lonely for a good year and a half. My first love. Who was this guy and how come he was able to make me feel so strongly, in both a loving matter and, in the end, resentment?
That was four years ago. Ironically, four years and two weeks today would have been our sixth anniversary. But I’m glad those days are over. Everything happens for a reason and we definitely were not meant to be together. I was a completely different and naive person back then compared to the person I have become today. Nowadays, I am well-protected — my heart isn’t given away so easily anymore. I’m smarter, prettier, and talented. And I cook and bake better than your mama.
Sure, I’ve dated a fair share of questionable men, but I’m glad I held it out and waited for that special someone. And I’ve never been happier. I am sure not to screw this one up — if anything, it’ll be him. Let’s hope that won’t happen.