It’s really time to grow up. Do you really think I haven’t matured enough in the past 5 years to see what your intentions really are and that you are all fully-grown, manipulative, pieces of shit? Yes, I would like you to stop contacting me. From now on. Forever. And no, I will not provide you with my number anymore.
But no, you’re just not getting it. And call me big-headed, but I am sure you read my blog. Goodbye to the users, abusers, exes, and exotic male dancers. I’m disinterested.
Don’t make me upload your texts, emails and messages to show off your desperation. And oh yes, if provoked, I will go there. But I’m holding back because I’m much classier than that now.
The other evening I received a phone call in the wee hours, nearly 5am. Normally, this would be fine on a weekday since I get up around that time to go to work, but no, this was the beginning of my weekend — completely unacceptable. Worse, it was from a number I didn’t recognize. Curious, I picked up the phone and just like times in highschool, the caller hung up. Annoyed, I went back to bed. To my horror, the same caller called again again and hung up! “Who the hell’s calling you at this hour?”, asked my boyfriend in annoyance. I had no idea so I texted the unknown, turned off my ringer, and went straight to sleep.
When I woke up, I found out that it was my ex. Yep, the same ex whom I tried to reach out to last year. It was kind of nice that he was reaching out to me this time but at the time same, it’s just plain rude and disrespectful to try and contact me at the most insane hour. He wants to catch up (which is completely fine with me although I’d rather do this properly in person) but although we have been in contact with eachother since Friday, I really haven’t learned anything about him at all. The conversation hasn’t gone beyond “What’s up? Nothing much, you?”. Disappointing, really. He just wants to find out if I have a boyfriend or not. And before you go off on thinking how egotistical I am, it’s true because that’s exactly what he asked me this morning at 1:34am. Last time I
checked creeped, he had a girlfriend and was very adamant on not seeing me ever. And now he tries to immaturely contact me after months upon months of not speaking to eachother? Fishy. Just hope he’s not hoping for some booty action from me cus it ain’t happening.
For those have known me for x number of years, you will know that I am attracted to the older man. The teacher, the business man, the one that’s 20 years my senior — it’s like I was born with this inherent borderline reversed perverted attraction. It’s never been a problem, or atleast I thought it would never be one. I mean, older men possess everything that I want to have or look towards in a potential boyfriend/husband: financial security, a house(s), a vehicle to get them to A to B, and hopefully, they’d already have their shit together. Um, yum? Yes please.
But it’s not always an attractive factor. It can also be unappealing at times, almost a turn off. I hate to be quoting an older guy that I was seeing who was only four years older than me that I incredibly hated for playing me but I understand now what he meant when he said we were at “different life stages”. I get it now, I totally do. Because although age may not matter, some things are undeniable and when there is a remarkable age difference at hand. One person may want one thing and the other may definitely feel obliged, or almost pressured to succumb to it. Perhaps I’m speaking for just myself, but it is a little bit of a scary thing. I am a generous person and I want to do everything and more for the person I love but am I willing to sacrifice my youth to commit on such a serious level? I may not be looking for anybody in particular at this very moment but what happens if I change my mind (which I so frequently do on a regular basis)? It’s just not fair. Not fair for me but most definitely not fair for the other person involved. I’m torn.
When did something so simple like my high school fantasies become such a complicating (which really should not be complicating) issue? I really shouldn’t be feeling this unnecessary pressure. Have I gone in too deep?
My emotions are like an on and off switch. Yesterday was an off day. Today is an off day. Future days will be off days because words provide no backing and don’t mean anything to me. It’s cliche, but actions speak louder than words. Mean what you say? Then prove it.
PS. It’s difficult blogging from an iPhone. It’s like writing a very long text message. Not recommended.
“Shallow” was a word I often heard when I was single and on the hunt for a man. And yeah, I admit that I still am a little shallow but why does that word have to be used with such negative connotations? I hardly see it as a bad thing; in fact, I see it as a positive. My definition of “shallow” would be havingpreference, knowing what I want (atleast at this age), and getting it. Sure, I may have certain “criteria” that I would like to have see fulfilled but it’s certainly not rigid. My boyfriend isn’t half the things I was looking for in a guy but hey, I’m happy because he still satisfies a) b) and c).
Honestly, I’m just writing this post out of spite because of a recent comment on one of my past entries. I’m not too irked that he called me “shallow” but moreso on the fact that he called me racist for having a preference for white guys. Um…no? I’m dating a guy who’s half Colombian and half Chinese. And everybody has their own preferences and biases. I’m sure this person who commented isn’t attracted to every race. I assumed this was common knowledge in this day and age. Guess not.
And I really don’t know what I am defending myself on my own blog. It’s rare that I let things get to me but I guess I’m just really bored at work right now (hence why I’m writing this so damn early). Moral of the story? Live and let live, bitch. Or should I say, write and let write. It’s my blog. ‘Nuff said.
RHOV. Premiere. Is. Tomorrow.
I love The Real Housewives franchise and I am completely stoked for the Vancouver edition of it. And despite my eagerness and overexcitement for the show, I am unable to watch it. Why? Because I don’t have cable. And my boyfriend doesn’t want to watch it with me. And I have work at 6:00am the next day. FML. I’m actually pissed! Yes, I’m aware that I could download the next day and watch it on my laptop but that’s just like eating something from Tableau out of a take out container. Just no. It shouldn’t be done. And instead of being a great boyfriend and sacrificing two hours of his time to watch RHOV with me, he’s taking me to watch The Hunger Games, dinner, and catch up on Spartacus. Snore. I don’t even want to watch stupid Hunger Games anymore. And I don’t care about dinner because I would be more than glad to make him a homecooked meal (and demonstrate my future housewife skills) instead. My food is better than any restaurant he would take me to in Richmond anyways. Spartacus is a good thing though. But anyways, I’m freakin’ pissed. Oh, and even though I work at an ungodly hour the next morning, I would more than gladly give up sleep to watch this show. I’ve been waiting like a YEAR for this to come out, for fuck’s sake. I haven’t had cable for a month or so nor do I come home to any company (I live at home, FYI) so a little TV would be a real treat, to be honest. RHOV is a guilty pleasure of mine. And that 2-hour time slot where my brain will turn to mush will be greatly appreciated in the long run. All in all, I am pissed. I am not one to hide my anger and homeboy couldn’t even take the hint (well, he did but he just wouldn’t budge). Dealbreaker? Perhaps. Time to pull out the ‘no sex’ card.
This is why you should (have). Behold. My Bachelor Canada video submission. Let the hilarity ensue.
The end. (I am now off the market, sorry boys!)
Also, big thanks to my friend Aaron for filming and editing this whole video. And additional thanks to Julia, Danielle, and Manu for giving me your “testimonials” (unscripted, I swear). AND a HUGE thanks to all the dick douchebags that contributed to my fabulous dating history and gave me tons of reasons to bitch and to audition for this show in the first place! Ha!